Grief can expand our view of life and enlarge us, but it is a painful journey no one would deliberately choose. Neuroscience reveals that our brain processes social and relational pain in the same regions as physical pain. Bereavement and grief create literal physical pain. Losing a loved one is never easy, and the pain can linger for a lifetime even though the wound can heal to the naked eye (see final note below).
This long journey means that bereavement can be a lonely and isolating process, and sometimes it may seem like the pain will never be assuaged. If you are in this pain, consider pursuing a grief coach.
Grief or Bereavement Coaching can support you through the mourning process, help you to find healing, and provide you with the tools and resources you need to overcome the pain of bereavement. Here are eight ways a grief coach can help you overcome the pain of bereavement:
1. Provides a Safe Space to Share and Process Your Emotions
They provide a safe and supportive environment for you to share your feelings and emotions without fear of judgment or rejection. For example, as time passes, people who have lost someone feel like they are a broken record, a good coach will help you understand that repetition is one of the ways we work through traumas. Repetition is our way of seeking out meaning and a different ending to the trauma of loss that we’re experiencing. A Bereavement Coach will listen to you and help you to process your “stuck” emotions, helping you to find your way through the grieving process.
2. Helps You to Find Meaning in Your Loss
“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering (read loss)” Victor Frankl.
A bereavement coach can help you to find meaning in your suffering and loss and identify the lessons and opportunities for growth that can come from the pain of bereavement. No one would choose suffering as a way to grow, but a grief coach can help you to find a sense of purpose and direction, even in the midst of your suffering. Death does not have to lead to life, but nature reminds us each spring that life is possible after death.
3. Supports You in Developing Coping Strategies
A grief coach can support you in developing effective coping strategies to deal with the pain of bereavement. Exploring the source of any negative or destructive coping mechanisms, and encouraging you to choose healthier ones. They will work with you to identify the tools and resources that will help you to manage your emotions and overcome the challenges of grief.
4. Encourages Self-Care and Self-Compassion
Grief can be exhausting, even avoiding grief can lead to overactivity and exhaustion. At times people neglect their own needs and well-being. and need encouragement to participate in activities which nurture their own health and growth after loss. A grief coach can gently rally you to prioritize self-care and self-compassion, supporting you in finding the time and space you need to heal.
5. Provides a Non-Judgmental Ear
A grief coach is someone who is there to listen to you without judgment. You get to feel what you feel, say what you need to say, and be honest with yourself even if it feels like the world around you wants you to hide what’s really happening. Grief makes us fragile, angry, fearful, and can manifest the entire spectrum of emotions. A good Bereavement or Grief Coach will help you say, “This is where I am today. I will not always be here. How I feel now doesn’t need to be my identity, but I get to honor my experience today. Change is inevitable, this too will pass.”
6. Helps You to Build a Support Network
Grief can be isolating, and it can be hard to know who to turn to for support. The best grief coaches can help you process which relationships in your life are helpful, which need some honest conversation but hold potential, and which should perhaps have clear boundaries around them. An empowering Coach supports you as you look to bring growing health to your entire life. Healthy relational support means a healthy life. Science consistently reveals that the number one factor for strengthening our long term health is a healthy relational support network.
7. Helps You to Manage Stress and Anxiety
Grief can be a very stressful and anxious experience, and it can take a toll on your physical and emotional well-being. A grief coach can help you manage stress and anxiety, providing you with tools and resources to help you stay calm and grounded in the midst of your pain.
8. Supports You in Rebuilding Your Life
Loss shatters lives, and a grief coach can support you as you struggle to find and maintain forward momentum, helping you to come to terms with your loss and reach acceptance of the things in life you have control over, and those you do not.
Final Note:
If you are struggling with the pain of bereavement, consider contacting someone who does grief coaching in Colorado. In my decades of work as a Psychologist, Coach, and Chaplain for hospice and in hospital settings, I have always been humbled by the opportunity to walk with people in their grief. Only you can decide who is the best grief coach for you, so make some calls and start conversations looking for the best coach to help you grieve. The best grief and bereavement coaches recognize that it’s a great privilege to journey with anyone through the darkness and traumas of life, toward new life and light.
Note regarding grief and bereavement pain: When people struggle to understand the length of the journey through loss and bereavement, I liken the healing from relational loss, to the healing of physical wounds. Years ago I shattered my ankle. It took days for the swelling to go down so the surgeon could do his work. I then spent months in a cast. Months later, having gone through painful physical therapy to rebuild my muscles, I was able to have the plates and screws removed, only to need to recover again. Even though my bones healed and my muscles recovered, my left calf muscle remains smaller than my right, and the nerves have never been the same. Today, I can at times take a step, and have pain shoot through my ankle so severe I am unable to walk. Thus, there are still scars and reminders of my loss. Bereavement is similar, the pain can be unbearable at first, work is required to regain stability in life. Life will never be the same with its consequences and scars. At times the pain may suddenly make us feel like the loss has just happened even if we have found new joy. We hopefully recover more quickly, we are not as undone by the pain, but there is never closure to a traumatic loss, there is simply a new path.