What do you see or ‘discern’ in the photo above? This bronze sculpture resides in a hotel lobby in Oslo, and was profoundly moving to me when I saw it. But what you don’t see from the perspective of this photo, and you only see as you have a wider shot is that he has no legs. She is supporting him as he clings to her. We all ‘discern’ out of what we ‘see’ at any given time of life, and unless we never move or grow and remain fixed in the same spot with the exact same focus, any given point of life and time brings something new to notice, see, and discern.
Someone I love dearly, who years ago said to me, “I don’t believe in divorce,” recently went to a Discernment Coach. They did this to determine if perhaps they should be more open-minded about the statement they made years before. I was delighted for them that they made this choice. It manifests growth. No matter what perspective we come from in life, we should always be open to the possibility of change, the possibility that one day the circumstances of life might lead us toward new ways of thinking. We believe in change at the physical level, i.e. the pants I wore at age 5 are not likely to fit me at age 25. So we should also recognize that our thoughts, beliefs, awareness of self and the world, can and will change as well—if we are growing.
When I am coaching individual’s or couples I always coach from their needs and awareness. Some people come to me determined to stay together, and as this is their goal this is what I am delighted to help them work toward. Others have already come to the conclusion that they need to go through the hard journey of choosing a new path, and I coach them on how to best walk this path. Yet some are in the moment of life where they are trying to discern how to move forward. This is where discernment coaching comes in.
Discernment coaching encourages someone to be thoughtful about many things but here’s just a few:
1) Who they’ve been and the narratives that directed their life in the past
2) Who they’re becoming as they perhaps deconstruct old narratives and are embracing new ways of being in the world
3) What things in their world seem to be suffocating them and draining them of life and how to work toward change
Good discernment coaching doesn’t direct someone, it helps them find their own direction based upon what they are learning about themselves as they grow and change. There are many reasons this can occur, but it’s generally a sign that the psychological / intellectual / cultural / religious / etc. “clothing” they’ve been wearing has grown too small. It’s not guaranteed that these wrestlings will lead to wise and good choices, but having a good coach can make all the difference in the outcomes of these wrestlings.
So if you’re changing, and growing, and needing a new set of “cloths” I hope you’ll seek out a discernment coach whether that’s me, Dr. Phil Bennett, or someone else. Find someone who has some life wisdom to filter through what you bring and help you sort it out, and with whom you make a good connection, who you grow to respect and trust — these qualities will always be the basic recipe of good coaching. Whether you live here and desire a Discernment Coach in Colorado Springs, or are looking for a Discernment Coach in Colorado, or live anywhere in the world and are happy to use technology, look for a Discernment Coach who sees and understands you. A coach doesn’t have to be just like you, they only need to see you, so they can reflect things they see in you, back at you and help you see yourself more fully.
Discernment coaching can be for relationships, or for intrapersonal issues like better understanding your sexuality, or many other things. We often have aspects in ourselves we’ve been afraid to recognize or own because of pressures around us, but if something is inherent to who you are and you deny it, this only leads to death, like a plant that denies it has a need for sunlight or water. There are many reasons to seek out a discernment coach. If what you discern in the process requires a harder road than simply remaining in the status quo of your life (whatever that means), just realize that most things in life that are worth much require a lot of work to achieve. As someone once say, “digging for diamonds is hard work.”