I recently drove up into the mountains 7 hours. There was a series of lakes I wanted to visit and paddle board in the high country. I did it by myself, and I had to 4wheel in for several hours to get to the first lake, then hike over the pass and back to get to others. It was in what is some of the most beautiful country I’ve ever experienced, but I was not able to enjoy every minute of it. Why? FEAR.
Fear kept me from being present in the moment. I found myself paddle boarding miles away from anyone over crystal clear mountain lakes with only mountain goats nearby. And I struggled to enjoy it. I struggled to be in the present.
It stood out to me as a metaphor for how much of life I have missed actually living and being present. I remember being on the paddle board in awe of my surroundings, then thinking, ‘what if something happens? There is no one even close to where I am.’ Or ‘What if those clouds turn into a thunderstorm and I’m working my way back over the pass above treeline in a lightning storm?’ Or… you name it my mind came up with a hundred things to worry about.
I was somewhat disgusted with myself for being so anxious. So I did what I’ve learned to do to try to calm my mind. Breath deep. Be kind to myself, and curious about what was taking place inside. This was a start. I could think of all kinds of things to worry about, but shaming myself has never done myself or anyone else any good. We get to feel, and shame can be helpful, for a moment, IF we’ve done some kind of harm to ourselves or others, but otherwise it stalls us out. Our brain only has so much energy. We can blow it on shame or funnel it toward nurturing life and being present.
I did not want to miss these beautiful moments so I breathed in the smells, listened to the sounds of the paddle and board moving through the water, looked around at the beauty, let myself attend to my breathing and heart rate, and watched my worries float through my mind, letting each of them go and mindfully coming back to the present moment.
For me this is a vivid but small example of why mindfulness practices are becoming so important to be, as well as how I’ve lived most of my life, missing it, missing the moment — missing life. We can be so worried about what’s next, what could go wrong, etc. that we never actually manage to simply arrive and be in the present.
Practicing mindfulness trains our mind to live in the now, to notice our mind’s workings, to be able to relate to them objectively at a distance, and remind ourselves of what is most true.
Yes a thunderstorm could come in while I head back over the pass, yes I could lose my balance on the board and fall and hit my head on the rocks just under the surface… but also…
YES… I am in one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been, the grass and wildflowers at the end of the crystal clear water are as soft as a carpet and as lovely as anything I’ve ever seen, yes that family of mountain goats has 2 beautiful babies, yes I’m healthy and able to do this, yes I made it 4wheeling in and going out should be way easier. I came to settle myself in the larger YES.
Saying ‘yes’ to the moment requires that we learn to calm our minds, which can go spinning off track like a car sliding on ice in winter. Mindfulness is like having excellent traction control and good snow tires, enabling us to regain control so we can stay grounded in the present moment. As we regain control we can say yes to life, yes to the present no matter what is taking place. This is where I am today. This is where I am right now, with more right to me than wrong. I’m not only breathing, I’m actually here and living each breath I’m taking.
