I was watching a Robin Hood movie on Netflix the other day while I was working out, and I was struck by a scene. Russell Crowe has come back from the crusades and he is told to bathe, but he cannot get out of his armor on his own.
Part of the reason this stuck out was pondering my own life, and how at times I take up protective armor and then cannot seem to take it off. I get stuck! The more I thought about the image the more I saw at least a couple of other implications. First, is that if our life has only small skirmishes which are not regular events in life, it’s easier to believe it’s safe to take our armor off when we get home. We don’t live in our armor. Second, the longer we are in battles in life the more easily we believe it is not safe to take our armor off. We’re likely to sleep in it, eat in it, etc. So when a battle kicks off it can throw us into the mode of leaving our armor on for extended periods of time.
These are obvious thoughts to our modern day warriors / soldiers who spend months overseas and then come home to their families and struggle to live vulnerably. I have worked with many over the years who had to learn to survive the battle field only to discover it alters their ability to live at home. But we should not minimize how being vulnerable, hurt, and the consequent need for self-protection impacts us all. And I think it is very true that once we have put our armor on, it is difficult to take off by ourselves. We need the help of others.
Trust is at the core of feeling safe, and when we struggle to trust we cannot feel safe. When issues of trust are triggered we leave our armor on, and the idea of asking someone else to help us get out of it requires trust. The dilemma becomes obvious does it not?
I have experienced this in my own life. Once issues of trust are triggered, it can be so easy to re-trigger, and produce an enduring state of triggering/flooding. In this state of mind it’s easy to believe that the stupidest thing I could do right now is take my armor off.
Now take the image farther. How is life limited when I’m wearing armor? The normal functions of life become impossible. We are only prepared for sitting in a war zone and protecting ourselves under fire. Normal life becomes impossible.
So… picture your self-protection… when does it trigger? what keeps it triggering? how is it limiting your life? Just as there are self-limiting beliefs, there are self limiting actions we take out of our beliefs, i.e. putting on our armor, our self-protection. The irony is that we’re most often protecting ourselves from people, the only ones who can actually help us take our armor off and learn to again enjoy what life has to offer. We’ll never be able to fully connect, fully enjoy, fully live, fully love when we’re wearing our armor.
Side-note: there are people who are not safe, and taking our armor off in their presence is not wise; look for safe people to help you sort through who-is-who if life has left you confused in this arena. The world as a whole is full of safe and unsafe zones, safe and unsafe people, but there are safe zones and safe people who can help us learn to remove our armor and live again.
At times when we don’t feel safe, it may be a loved one, someone who we know loves us (when we are in our ‘sane’ mind and not flooded), who has to come to us and say, ‘Hey it’s me. I love you remember? Let me help you take your armor off.’