Our world tends to beat us up, and we can be like frogs in a boiling pot, not realizing we’re being robbed of life. Even low grade depression (you can substitute anxiety, fear, etc. throughout this blog as well) robs us of hope, dreams, motivation, a thirst or lust for life, and reduces our activity levels until we look back one day and don’t know what happened to us. Where did our joy as children go? We might not even realize the downward trajectory of depression unless life-giving events occur and we suddenly realize our head’s above water and we can breathe and laugh again. Have you forgotten what if feels like to laugh? have joy? delight in adventuring into the world? Remember there is no in-between state, we are either living or dying, we are either in growth or decay mode. A stagnant life is death as our cells atrophy. But it’s our efforts toward life which matter more than our up and down journey in our struggle to embrace life.
Look at children, they are regularly heading into life. I often looked at my children when they were young (see picture above of my 2 sons and a neighbor boy), and wished I could still laugh and play like they did. The burdens of graduate school, marriage, parenting, working, and providing took me from being a carefree white-water guide in my early 20s to a ‘successful’ adult who realized I was already missing something. Don’t hear me wrong, there were still many moments in life I enjoyed, the picture above represents one such moment — resiliency is being able to enjoy life even while it may be slowly beating us up. But ongoing losses of dreams, hopes, and carrying a multitude of burdens can slowly leave us wondering if this is all there is to life. We can be too afraid to change our lives and seek something new, or have simply lost our energy, light, and drive. I have lived enough life now to have dropped into this slowly depressed state, and to also discover again what it means to live in spite of all the burdens. My burdens don’t even always change, but how I handle them can change when the thing itself does not.
If you are depressed it could be due to large events like a loss of someone you truly loved, but it can also be due to the pile up of small events. Ponder the image of carrying a backpack around that life slowly adds small rocks to, until it becomes so heavy each day is a burden. We can grow so used to the weight that we forget what life was like when we didn’t have to carry it all around.
We all have limited energy, and when the additional weight of life siphons us of this energy, we lose our ability to have joy and delight in life. It’s fascinating thinking of energy as literally the light we give off. When we are around people who exude light, I believe the energy of that light can transfer to us, just like people can suck life/light from us as well. Simply ponder your relational experiences for a moment if you doubt this.
Look at this image below that my youngest son recently shared with me. We see clearly that light is manifested through heat, i.e. light is energy, heat is energy. I’d list its source but I have no idea what it’s from. Note the darkness of depression and the light of happiness. Neutral feelings leave us black, i.e. no light/heat/energy is emanating from us into the world, but when we’re depressed we are literally moving in the opposite direction away from light, our temperature drops in the limbs, and we are literally cold. We suck energy instead of give it.
I love when science and spirituality line up, so ponder this for a moment. Look first at the image above and what science tells us about our humanity and our connection to light. Then ponder ancient wisdom: Islam and Baha’i writings have a theme of God being reflected as the light of a lantern or lamp; Buddhism and Hindu thought place a guiding light within us; Christianity and Judaism have many reflections on God as light and humanity as light. Moses meets God and afterward is radiating light so powerfully he puts a veil over his face. Jesus says that we humans are light even as he is light. Native American spirituality reflects the truth that if we take, we must give, there are consequences to consuming without giving equally in return.
Light. Energy. It’s our beginning and our end if we grow and move toward life. It’s the opposite of death, and in my work as a Psychologist, Life Coach, and Hospice Chaplain I can tell you everyone dies — but there are humans who have sucked the life out of the world around them, and there are others who die radiating light, and their life still echoes and ripples light long after they are gone.
We are all formed of light and energy and we are either living such that we receive it from others and light up, and/or we are someone who has grown to the extent that we might be thought of as our own little nuclear power plant, capable of radiating life to others — receiving light and radiating light. Don’t we all know this from our experience? What happens when you sit with someone who drains you of energy or who leaves you feeling energized? Why do you seek out your best friends? Why do you avoid people? Why do you enjoy yourself or wish you could get away from yourself? Ponder these thoughts in terms of light and energy.
Depression suffocates light and energy. Depression literally sucks the life and energy out of self and potentially the surrounding world. If you’re depressed, this doesn't mean you're a bad person, that the siphoning is intentional, or that you don’t desperately long for something else. Your story matters, and in all likelihood you have a beautiful heart and long to be a source of life even while you’re stuck. I have worked with so many people over the years who were depressed and have lived through great sorrows and traumas, but so longed to live again in spite of how life beat them up. So what do we do if we want to try to overcome the depression that slowly robs us of life? Know this: if you desire to be a source of life and overcome depression it’s entirely possible!
First seek out people who radiate light. If you feel like life has left you dark and cold seek out heat, seek out light! Good friends, pastors, Imans, monks, shamans, coworkers, corporations, and nations are sources of light and energy to others. Wise and growing people radiate light. If you are seeing a therapist, or life coach, or a pastor, or friend who doesn’t help you discover your own light something is wrong. If you’re a parent who doesn’t radiate light to your children, nurturing and fueling theirs, something is off. We are made to radiate light! So if you’re not radiating light and life seek out help and guidance as to why.
Second, become mindful of your story both past, present, and future and the narratives you listen to as you live. Learn to recognize the rocks you carry through life, and how to either transform them or cast them away.
Third, rewire your brain by using mindfulness, creating new narratives and new neural networks in your brain. Our brains all have superhighways, pathways we are prone to go down, ways we’ve been shaped by our journey, and we can create new ones with hard work.
Fourth, perhaps ponder how spirituality can be an important part of life — again, either fueling you or making you someone who sucks the life out of others. Jesus said of the Pharisees that the people they converted turned into twice the sons of hell that they were. True spirituality can nurture and fuel life, just like false spirituality and religion suck and destroy life. If you are a religious person, ask yourself if your theology and anthropology leaves people more or less alive after interacting with you. And perhaps pay attention to what happens in people’s lives you touch as well, we can all be great spin doctors wanting to believe our way is the best way. In my opinion, more open people are the safest people, and the more rigid someone is the less safe they are to people who are different.
I love working as a chaplain in hospice because I get to work with people from all different backgrounds. People will often tell me they are not religious and I’ll tell them that it’s totally fine, because religion has hurt and offended many people. I’ll also suggest that most of us are still spiritual. We look out at the world and can’t help but wonder if there isn’t something bigger when we look at the stars, or ponder the beauty and intricacy of the natural world and humanity. Spirituality can encourage deeper thinking and questioning if nothing else, and for many it provides a hope that can break through our experiences in this world.
Science might be able to tell us how love reflects light in our bodies, but it can’t explain why love exists in the first place. Albert Einstein once said, ‘Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind.’ I would change this to, ‘Science without spirituality is lame; spirituality without science is blind.’ There is a place for science and spirituality in our lives, always.
Fifth, sixth, seventh… there are ultimately many things we can do to fight depression, and often they are as unique as we are as individuals. So connect with others, learn about yourself, and learn to hope again. Learn about your unique beauty, struggles, and journey.
The reason I love Life Coaching (in my hometown of Colorado Springs) is that this is exactly what I get to do. Whether sitting face to face, or working online with someone hundreds of miles away, I get to help people realize who they are (light/energy) and what and/or who in life energizes them, as well as what rocks need to be transformed or come out of their backpacks because they suck their life energy. This requires thoughtful exploration and a growing ability to be mindful in our daily lives.
As a life coach, promoting growth, I try to guide people into awareness of what others have done or are doing with their beauty, what they are doing with their own light and beauty, and whether the relationships around them are fueling growth or literally turning them dark. I get to help people recognize the road blocks in their journey which have left them like frogs slowly boiling to death. Life coaching is an avenue to help people discover their light, perhaps for the first time, and recognize what has robbed them of light and life, as well as how to reclaim themselves and the energy and light they bring when they become their true self.