One of the hardest truths for us to accept in this world is that growth requires death. Transitions of life which successfully move us toward growth, often require releasing something, or a ‘death.’ If this hits you wrong just bear with me for a moment. I’m not declaring this as an all-out-rigid-truth, but rather as a path worth pondering: our suffering is intensified if we refuse to release the things in our lives to which we’ve attached — it could be a career, a relationship, a literal death of a loved one — there’s a time to attach and pour energy into something, and there’s a time to release it.
Let’s consider how death leads to life at the cellular level of our lives. Death is programmed into life from the very beginning, it’s a process called apoptosis. It’s active even in utero, many normal and healthy cells need to die in order for an organ, limb, etc. to grow — consider how did your own body transform from fetus to who you are today? Apoptosis, cell death. Or consider your brain as a child, adolescent, or even now if you’re older, unnecessary brain cells die off in our growing brains, allowing the strengthening and growth of necessary and utilized connections.
Side note: In each of our bodies every cell is either in growth or death mode. As adults we can kick our growth mode into gear through cardiovascular exercise. Research suggests that an hour of cardiovascular exercise gives every cell in our body a signal to grow for 8-12 hours instead of leaving it in possible decay mode. Yet at some point, in order for our bodies to regenerate, all cells must die and be replaced with new cells. In our physical / biological life, death is a necessity for new growth and thus life, and if we’re healthy and exercising, our bodies replace cells every 2-3 months.
So what about what we think of as the non-physical realms of life? Though we could debate whether or not such realms even exist apart from physicality, we might refer to these as spirit, energy, etc. In these areas as well we can cling to what we know, to what we find safe and ‘certain’ refusing to release it but this won’t allow for growth. Growth comes as we release something which is dying or hindering growth and ask what’s next? Imagine how your views of self, the world, etc. changed as you grew from 2 to 8 to 13 to 19… Not many of us would say our view of the world at age 10 was absolute reality, so why when we’re older do we believe it’s okay to cling to our old ways of thinking and being? We grow through releasing and receiving. Loss can lead to growth. Clinging traps us and leads to something other than living.
Our loss may be chosen, forced, etc. but the Buddhist concept that our suffering is increased due to our attachments (and a refusal to release them), can be very helpful. Jesus also speaks of this same dynamic when he says that to live we must die, or to be born again you must become as a child (‘celestial openness’ is a phrase used by Patricia Kuhl who studies infants). Whatever spiritual tradition you come from, it probably has something that can be of help and support as you process ‘death’ and loss.
What in your life do you insist can not change, should not change, etc? If we want to grow we have to be willing to release things and ask ourselves: What’s next?
Growth may come at great cost, with great pain, but the truth is the more we resist the losses and transitions in life, the more we will hinder our growth, resilience, and ability to be alive and present now. Life has seasons, change is inevitable, and without being willing to move forward and release whatever now needs to die, we will not grow. One season of life moves into another, it’s the way of life. If we try to pretend we can stop the the change, not only will we not grow, we may one day have to wake up and admit that we are clinging to delusions that leave us dead even though physically we may still be alive.
